Yo Mama Espada Style
by nicci'weezy
Summary: What happens when Grimmjow comes across Yo Mama jokes? My attempt at humor at 3 in the morning. Enjoy!
1. Chapter 1

**Disclaimer: I dont own bleach or anything related to it!**

**And I also dont own "Dont Be a Menace" if you catch that reference too. **

**A/N: Sorry if you've heard some of the jokes used, I tried to be as original as possible. Also Im sorry if its not funny. Hey, I tried right? :) haha this is what you get when i stay up to 3am hype up on soda and pop rocks with my best friend! Enjoy. **

Grimmjow was super bored. Like super super! He was so super bored he was pretty sure Superman wanted to sue him. There was nothing in Wacco Mundo that could keep his attention, and thats why he would always be in trouble. Like the last time he had fallen asleep in an espada meeting, he began talking in his sleep. He had sung "Never Gonna Give You Up" for crying out loud!

Today he decided would be different he would find something to do even if it killed him.

So here he was wondering the internet that Szayel had hooked up looking for things that humans did for fun. He stumbled across a link that looked promising "Yo mama jokes that will make you LOL" He clicked it and immediately burst out laughing. He didnt know talking about someones mother could be this funny. He always thought that it offended people, hence the black on black violence, that Tousen told him about.

He left his room to go try out his new jokes on some of the espada. He came across Yammy and tapped him on the shoulder to get his attention. When he turned, Grimmjow told him "Yo mama so fat, she broke her leg and gravy came out"

Yammy shrugged "Yeah, so?"

Grimmjow looked at him in disbelief. "Are you seriously not offended?"

"No, thats half way true, if she had gravy inside her she would cut of her leg herself "

And with that Grimmjow laughed loudly at the sick truth in Yammys voice and continued down the hall to find another victim.

"Oi! Ulqiuorra!" Grimmjolw called out to the fourth espada as he neared him.

"What do you want, Trash?" Ulqiuorra said with his everyday monotone, turning to face the Sexta.

"Just wanted to let ya know, that yo mama is so poor I asked her for 50 cents and she said I cant have her life savings!"

"Why would you ask my mother for money?"

"Its suppose to be a joke" Grimmjow informed him.

"You make jokes about people mothers? What a trashy thing to do"

"Its not a trashy thing! Its a joke, plain and simple" Grimmjow snarled.

"Then, your mother is a whore who cant even afford to buy an actual hair color for her son" Ulqiuorra stated.

"Hey, thats not nice!" Grimmjow shouted pouting like a child.

"I thought you said that were joking"

"We are, but only is you say 'yo mama' first" Grimmjow corrected the higher espada.

"Fine. Yo mama is a whore who cant even afford to buy an actual hair color for her son"

"Agh! You cant do it right!" Grimmjow said.

"What exactly am I doing wrong? The only thing I seem to be doing is totally burning you and your mother" Ulqiorra said a smirk forming on his face.

"No your not! Yo mama so poor, she only has coupons for the 99 cent store!"

Ulqiorra's smirk grew. He was enjoying trash talking Grimmjows mother. He enjoyed the reaction he was getting. "Yo mama is so poor, I came over for dinner and she read me recipes" And with that Grimmjow cracked up laughing, he even doubled over due to Ulquiorras show of emotion while saying it. The fourth even began to chuckle at the sight of the sixth.

Nnoitra who heard the laughing, ventured down the hall until he found that the source were Grimmjow and _Ulqiorra,_ of all people.

"Hey ladies, the days a bit young to be halfway down each others pants" Nnoitra called to them. Ulqiorra quickly regained his composure while Grimmjow took his sweet time.

"We...uh...were telling yo mama jokes" Grimmjow said between giggles. "Like, Yo mama so stupid she tried to steal a free sample"

"WHAT YOU SAY ABOUT MY MAMA!" Nnoitra yelled grabbing Grimmjow and shoving him against the pale white walls. "HUH?"

"Whoa, Nnoitra! Its just a joke! Calm down, damn." Grimmjow yelled back at the fifth espada.

"Oh...I get it!" Nnoitra grinned showing all his pure white top teeth. He released his hold on Grimmjow and stepped back. After thinking a moment he says: "Yo mama so ugly she made onions cry" The three espada burst out laughing.

"See! Ya got the hang of it!" Grimmjow said satisfied that his day was taking a good turn.

**(: Im thinking about making another chapter and having the espada have a yo mama contest. **

**But I guess thats up to you guys, huh? Please review!**


	2. Chapter 2

**Disclaimer: I dont own bleach or anything related to it!**

**A/N:Hello and welcome to chapter two 'cuz chapter one went so well. I hope its as funny as the first 'cuz this time I wasnt up till 3! Enjoy!**

All the Espada crowded into the meeting room. They had all gotten a message telling them to make their way to the meeting room as quickly and quietly as possible.

Upon arrival they had been greeted by Tousen who wasnt wearing his usual outfit. Instead he was wearing a white-tee and blue jeans. His orange scarf was gone and replaced by a orange bandana.

"Oi Tousen! Why the hell are your pants all the way down past your butt?" Grimmjow asked.

"Because I dont like American Idol, Grimmjow" Tousen told him. "Now get inside and have a seat"

Gin was waiting inside and handed them a paper as they passed him. The paper read:The Espada Krump Cup Championship. He also gave them a choice of hats or bandanas. As everyone took their seat, he turned his hat backwards and spoke. "Welcome y'all ta the first annual Krump Cup Championship! In this here competition you will dish out your bess yo mama jokes to see whose the funniest of all."

He told them that he would give them a yo mama phrase and they would work off of what it was.

"First up:Halibel vs Strakk!" Gin annouced. Both espada stood and faced each other. "Yo mama so ugly" Gin told them.

"Starkk yo mama is so ugly your dad takes her to work so he doesnt have to kiss her goodbye" Halibel started. Everyone Ooo-ed at this.

"Yo mama so ugly instead of putting the bungee cord around her ankle, they put it around her neck" Starkk said slowly.

"Damn!" Nnoitra gasped. "Careful Starkk shes a black female!"

"Yo mama so ugly she went in a haunted house and came out with a job application" Halibel crossed her arms over her chest.

Starkk laughed at this. "I give! I'm going to go take a nap" Starkk flashed a peace sign and left the room.

"And Halibel moves to the next round! Next Ulquiorra vs Szayel, yo mama so fat"

"Yo mama so fat her clothes size is 'oh god its coming'!" Szayel giggled.

"Yo mama so fat the last time she saw 90210 was on a scale"

"Whoa! Careful Ulqui, Szayel thinks hes a black female!" Grimmjow yelled.

"DID YOU JUST CALL ME ULQUI? What are you a fangirl?" the 4th said.

Tousen appeared "Remember your opponent is Szayel" he reminded him "_Dont make me throw a chair_"

Everyone backed a step away from him. "You wouldnt!" Gin gasped opening his eyes a bit.

"I will if we dont get back to the jokes" Tousen said having a seat and propping his feet up.

"Whatever. Yo mama is so fat this town really _isn't_ big enough for the both of us" Ulquiorra said just as dry as usual.

"Ooo burn! Ulqiorra advances!" Gin laughed. And so it continued. Back and forth between the remaining Espada until only Grimmjow, Ulqiorra and Nnoitra were left.

"Any joke goes! This is for the championship!" Gin declared holding up a large bejeweled cup.

"Grimmjow yo mama is so stupid she brought Nnoitra to the Superbowl" Ulquiorra said.

"Well yo mama so stupid, I told her it was chilli outside and she ran out there with Nnoitra" Grimmjow growled

"Hey! Both your mama's are so stupid they thought Fruit Punch was a gay boxer" Nnoitra hissed.

"Or Szayel" Halibel coughed. They all laughed except Szayel who sweatdropped.

"Ulquiorra's mama is so short she has to slam dunk her bus fair" Grimmjow chuckled.

"Grimmjow's mama is so cheap shes on the dollar menu" Nnoitra laughed.

"Nnoitra's mama is so skinny I could blindfold her with dental floss" Ulquiorra said, some humor in his voice.

"Okay, okay hold it! I think we have a winner!" Gin informed at the Espada. He and Tousen walked away from them and began discussing who should be the winner. Moments later they came back.

"And the winner is..." Tousen said with a large clock on a chain in his hands.

"ULQUIORRA!" Gin cheered, handing the forth Espada the cup as Tousen put the clock around his neck.

Ulquiorra turned to grin at Grimmjow and Nnoitra.

"This is bullshit" They both muttered, crossing their arms over their chests.

"Hey Gin, why didnt Aizen-sama play with us?" Halibel asked suddenly.

"Oh, well ya see-" Gin started.

"WHERE THE HELL ARE ALL MY-" Aizen yelled as he stormed into the room, but he stopped as he saw his army and his second and third command inside the room. Slowly he began to draw his Zanpaktou.

**And scene! I searched a lot for the jokes used and I hope they were up to your expectations. Didcha like the contest? Please review! Ulquiorra won yay!**


End file.
